Closing down

closing down this blog starting 24/4/2011
because it gives out too much negative virus...
NEW BLOG~
http://invisible-wings0402.blogspot.com/

keep keep bleeding ~

心正在流血,
不知道何时才会停...

原本被锁链拷着的，
那原本自由飞翔的鸟儿，
你，
想要自由吗？
你，
是不是已厌倦了，
在鸟笼里的日子？

侦探与小偷的戏我看多了，
但是，
要扮演一个侦探，
侦查一个人，
真的好难...

recently they have been telling secrets to me...
n i m so fed up...
coz i shouldnt tell the secret to the other...
neither i should tell the secret to the other...
its makes me frustrated to sit at home...

when will the drama stop?
i hate this type of conflicts...

but if when time comes...
i will protect the other 4...

thankfully that i m from counseling society..
for 5 years..
i m able to break myself out from those mess...
or else i might end up in front of counselors rapidly..

ok...
its getting really suspicions n fishy...

Stop annoy me....

even if i laugh joked talk to you,
doesnt mean we are close,
so stop crossing the territorial line...

what with those people who talk to me lately...
on fb, face 2 face or even on phone???!!
some of them juz being damn annoying...
some of them just insulted you...
even when you dont even know them...
some of them even step into your privacy...
HELLOOOOO!!!
stop being jerks...
or even stop try to annoy me!!!!!!!

srsly i m fed up with those few of you....
names who start with initials
J, C, A, C, L
and 2 more ppl which i dont even kno who they are...

BED BUGS

went to doctor today...
SRSLY!???
he say i was bitten by bed bugs...
tat's y i got red spots on my tights n between my legs...
so sad...
steph and eilynn aso kena..
coz we sleep in the same room...
but me n steph r the ones that kena 99 1...
coz we slept on the bed that was ori at the room...
but eilynn's 1 is additional bed..
she oni got a bit spots...
me n steph walau!!
keep on scratching for the whole day....

心情

暴风雨的前夕——————————是宁静的.......

A depressing day....~

where should i start?

its been 5 days she went overseas...
and its been the 3rd day he come back around 10..
and 2 days during weekends he go outstation...
so?
i dont know why but i feel a slightly disgusted..
its like during this few days...
here is basically a hotel for him..
i m not sure...
but i feel depressed..
what time will he come back today?

DARN stats n legal..
doing tutorial for the whole night ytd...
stats ans so weird...
so i gave up when i reach the 4th question...
then decide to do legal..
it might be easy eh..
but NO!
i cant really say i did a few question...
coz i m KO under the 1st quest..
T_T..
eventually i gave up...

i got cheered up somehow by Edna,
telling me she aso dunno how 2 do..
n steph..
LOL..
she is too high ytd..
mebe coz zuma she goes super high score...
lol..she apologized to me tho..
thinking that i m angry...
but i dot feel the anger from myself..
then aso a funny video...
haha...

this morning..
i checked my sms..
and steph text me bout the schools chancellor death...
*RIP*
and she not coming to school...
i practically jumped out of my bed...
and go fb 2 check...
yep..
and that means...
1 class for today...
BUT...
stats n moral class cancelled..
stats wont b replacement coz she already has extra classes...
BUT...
MORAL!!!! she sure will replace...
then what about moral quiz?!!
surely she is not going 2 have quiz this thursday when she havent even finish teaching???
Whatever...
i will juz read them just in case..
then another thing..
she say she wanna upload those requirements for quiz but she didnt!!!!
WHAT !!!!

Luckily i have kah yan 2 cheer me...
she aso depressed..
we camwhore tho...
haha...
feeling much better...

go to legal class...
and found out our classmate, Viven..
he got into an accident...
and has a huge injury...
need 3 months to heal...
OMG!
and he will totally need to take 1 more sem...
coz this sem he cant cont adi...
poor thing...

FEELING DEPRESSED MUCH...
ytd saw an accident at Hartamas...
saw the victim...
lying on the ground...
when i was going 2 school..
ytd when i went home...
saw a bird dead beside the road..

tdy...
saw a dead animal in the middle of the road...
a dog maybe?

2 weeks ago i think...
saw a dead cat beside the road when i was going 2 school...

a few weeks ago...
saw a dead dog in the middle of the road when i was fetching sis to tuition...

aiks...
these things make me depressed...
somemore ...
Quiz this thurs ( might be cancelled)..
leadership camp ( fri - sun)..
moral replacement class...( dunno when)..
mkt presentation ( next fri 3 hours class...last group..)
legal research ( next thu pass up)..
moral research ( nex thu pass up)..
legal presentation ...( dunno when..)...
study finals......T_________________________________________T...........
i m so depressed right now.......!!!!!!

Mind and Heart

my mind doesnt speaks what my heart thinks lately...
i guess...
i dont even know what am i doing now...
i m so speechless...!!!!
srsly!!!!
what is my mind thinking?????!!!!
and what my heart says????!!!!!!

15 years...

we've known each other for 15 years...
since kindergarten...
we've been studying in the same school...
we went to the same elementary school...
we also went to the same high school...
now....
coming 2 my school that i m studying currently...

最近

这几天，
做了很多恶梦
各种各样的。。
每天都不够睡
今天
又被恶梦弄醒
3.59am。。
我醒来了~
很惨~T_T

Frustrations and Pressure

approximately 5+ weeks till my 3rd sem finish..
but my schedule is so hetic...
more hetic than last sem...
although last sem has more subjects than this sem..
first off..
marketing research..
@.@...
need 2 do a promotion campaign...
i've been doing video editing and coupons designing...
its so tiring...
somemore i need to type part of the research...
since i m the oni 1 tat kno how 2 edit video and edit pics...
thanks to last sem human comm video and also my uncle who provides me with an amazing picture editing program...( i have fun editing pictures that unrelated to schoolwork tho...)

second,
moral research...
come out with a survey paper...
emailed to lecturer...
but god damn it ...
lecturer didnt reply evern since 4 days ago...
and the whole group depends on me!!!
they keep on asking me what to do...
like i am the group leader!!!
but i dont wanna be a leader!!!
coz marketing i m facing 1/2 same problem there...
but happily i pushed the compiling job for mkt to my fren...
AAAAAAAA....
MORAL!!!!!!
i so hate this research~!!!!!!!

Third,
stats assignment...
awh...i swear i m so bad at maths...
i dont even know what the questions are saying...
and the due date is 1 week later!!!!!
and even more frustrated...
ppl staying in hostel never think of you as a person who stays at home and need 2 drive freaking long way to school everyday...
staying back after 4+++++++ until evening???!!!
NO WAY!
i dont wanna jam my way back home and reach home super late!
T_T

Fourth,
i m not gonna whine about this..
i juz got this research like yesterday...
yep...my legal research...
human rights on abortion....OMG!!!
i so hate writing bout abortion...
coz last sem birth control ...says lots of abortion and saw a lots of ewww pics...
haizz...
this means i need 2 go law library next week or mebe week after next...
and due date is 31st March...

quiz is coming up 1 week later...
den the week after quiz week need 2 go leadership camp...
haizz....3 days cannot do my schoolwork / study!!!
den presentation for mkt and legal...@.@
i m goin 2 die...
den finals!!!!
OMG!!!!!
dont wanna think about it..

NOOOOOOO!!!!
i have a freaking PIMPLE!!!!
and i think more will grow when i get pressured and pressured day by day...

Owh!

gosh...
i swear to myself that i didnt planned to write here today...
coz my emo-ness have vanished this morning..
but throughout the evening..
the feel of uneasiness flow through my veins...
i dont really know how to describe it..
the feel of scare run through my body...
brings a shiver to me...

since young...
i always have this type of bad dream...
especially when i have high fever...
i dont even know how to describe that dream...
i can only just recall that i saw a lot of checkered boxes...
and the next thing i know i was awake because of that dream...
and my whole body drenched with sweat...
which i dont even know what i am afraid of...
i really wanna know what does that dream meant to me....
or it is just me being psychological insecure...

scare...is that the right word?



suddenly addicted to picture editing software...
this is one of the pic i edit today...
so pretty!

又掉眼泪了

本来好好的，
脑袋又开始不停地转，
转转下，
想到了不想要发生的事，
眼泪无端端的，
掉了下来~
想告诉自己，
要坚持住，
不管怎么样，
一定要坚持，
不要再掉眼泪了！
希望今晚能睡吧！
一整天头痛，
但是并没有睡意~
还有3天放假，
要我怎么熬过不胡思乱想呢？
有没有一些东西，
能让我忙碌起来，
不去胡思乱想？

一切的一切都是个骗局

想了一整晚，
哭了两次，
才睡了那4个小时，
现在头很痛，
好像中stroke一样，
眼睛肿肿的，
唉~

突然间，
感觉上，
那个熟悉的人，
变得那么的不熟悉，
不知还有多少事，
隐瞒着我们，
信任，
还存在吗？
我不懂，
各种各样的事情发生了，
我还能不能当着没发生过？
我还能不能相信他？
我该怎么做？
才是对的，
假装？
还是什么？

为什么不能老老实实？

想来想去，
我到底在emo什么？
它没有造成直接影响我的生活，
它只是个发生在很久以前的事情，
但是是被隐瞒到现在而已，
我气什么？
我为何折磨自己？

为什么今天给我放假？？？？？！！！！！！
现在的我，
无聊的坐在家里，
胡思乱想~
唉~

Not again...

又来了。。。
我没话说了~
原以为同样的事情不会再重演。。
但是，
他还是发生了
记得很久以前，
也发生过无数次，
我也失望了无数次，
但是最后还是原谅了~
可是，
我真的没想到。。。。
心很痛
真的很痛
感觉就像我的身边的一切。。
都是个骗局。。
突然有种想离开这个地方。。。
到另一个地方。。
慢慢的思考。。
我很想哭。。。
但是。。。
眼泪哭干了，
原本完好无缺的的心。。。
宛如被刀割一样。。。
将我的心一片片剁下来。。。

我很伤心
很伤心
没办法释怀
怎么办？
今晚不能睡了。。

很想打电话去质问，
但是我不能这样做，
因为不是我应该去管的事，
永远，
我都是被夹在中间的那一个。。
当个信鸽。。
一刀一刀的被双方伤害着。。
或许他们不知道，
我曾因为这样，
找过心理辅导老师。。。

虽然表面上我看起来嘻嘻哈哈的。。。
但内心却已千疮百孔。。。
需要好久好久来复原。。。
我很想说出心底话，
但是
我没有那个权力，
因为我不是当事人~

打到这里突然很想哭~
T_T

发生过很多次，
看来应该学会坚强了~

哭不出。。。
算了。。

I juz cant stop laughing...

i juz cant stop laughing srsly...
its mebe a result of me being pressured for too long...
coz of the darn legal n mkt paper...
but...
those two papers i did very good...
n aso ...
wahahahahaha!!!!!
i cant stop laughing...
meiyoke n steph say i crazy jor...
=.=...
wahahahahahaha!!!!

男女生的友情原来这么不一样~

小学的时候，
男生粘着男生，
女生粘着女生，
他们永远都会有谈不完的话题，
渐渐地，
可以达到知心友的境界，
中学时，
大家开始被分配到不同的学校，
不同的学校，
感情也会慢慢疏远，
最终，
小学的女生，
互相见面，
就像两个熟悉的陌生人，
了解对方的过去，
但却不了解对方的现在，
小学的男生，
互相见面，
就像两个老朋友一样，
有谈不完的话题，
及时再见多几次面，
还是没办法聊完，
小学的男生女生，
同时见面，
虽然小学时并不很熟悉，
但是却有聊不完的话题~
中学后，
同样的东西又再次上演，
那么大学呢？
会吗？
我不想耶~
因为，
我已经找到的知己~♥
谢谢~

We cant be besties...if...

we cant be besties...
if you depends on me too much...
we cant be besties...
when you always say i m the best when i m just now...
we cant be besties...
when you constantly say you are the worst out of all...
we cant be besties...
when you started to think that i m far more superior than you...

so stop thinking that you are lower level than me...
i rather to have a higher or same level person instead of lower level...
dont try to lower yourself...
coz u can be higher...
when u think i m much more superior...
then...
i might as well say goodbye to the word bestie...
we can still be friends...
but at times...
when you depends on me too much...
it will become a burden to me...
and i really hate it...
and i would really try to throw that burden away...
there are a few friends pretty much as the same level as i am...
moreover sometimes...
they might lower their level...
but they pretty much stand at my back and increase their level when i m in a higher level..
so that balances it out...

I should stop at this very minute

I should stop digging...
because i cant be sure that i wont fall into the deadly trap...
this time...
its been 2 or three years since the last time i've been fall into a trap...
and wasted some time to pull myself back again...
last time..
i found flaws...
but this time...
i didnt...
and this makes me more afraid that i will totally fall into the trap again...
and this time...i will hurt more badly than last time..
because this time...
the relationship is too close...
and this time..
it just used up a few months where last time it almost 6 months...
i should stop..
before i go to a road where i cant u turn...
and probably we wont be that close again if i continue...
i should stop...before the next mistake overpower me...
I SHOULD STOP!!

讨厌我自己

有时候

我是个很不会去争取的人

往往

我都会

不由自主的后悔

因为我

不会去争取

不懂得去争取

没有主见

让人家认为

我并没有自己的想法

真的

我很讨厌这样的自己

因为这样

是我少了很多的机会

我不会说不

但是

我知道对错

我讨厌我自己

因为

我真的不知道

我还会离谱到什么程度

会不会

可能我就真的无法自己做决定了呢??